~ 239

Dearly Deers,

There won’t be children.
I do not even try to think about why not.
It’s pointless to ask why this is happening to me and I can’t imagine there is someone who can tell me the reason.

I have gotten some responses to my sorrow, different ones.
If they all are the truth I wonder why being without kids, unwanted is a problem.
Kids are expensive and you will save yourself a lot of money which you can all spend on yourself. I can travel when and where I want to. And I am really lucky to have so much time for myself!! No waking up at six am, taking a nap on my couch for there is no one who would want my attention. No sleepless nights. And the “You know you can be perfectly happy without children?” I am so lucky, having kids is no pick nick ride!
The stories of friends of friends who had the same problem come across too.
Often times that couple ended up being pregnant and having kids when they had let go of their wish of becoming parents. Believing the people around me, this happens all the time. I wonder why there is medical treatment anyway, for the best way to get pregnant is not to want it, if I may believe what a lot say. As soon as you let go of that wish you end up getting pregnant. I guess a billion people never wanted to get pregnant and therefor they spontaneously became pregnant.
I am such an asshole for really want to have children which is the reason for not being able to.. I do not get that “logic”.

I am aware that those stories and remarks are meant to make me feel better, to support me through this time however they do the very opposite. I am hurt, I do not want to hear the hopeful stories as there is no hope anymore.
It’s a difficult sorrow, mourning for something that is not there or ever was and it is difficult to deal with too. What can you say to someone not seeing her wish of having a child being fulfilled? There are no rules for that.
When someone dies, you can give your condolences, with someone being sick you can tell them to get well soon. but what do you say to someone who heard she will not ever have kids? I do not blame the people not knowing, I mean my life continues as if nothing ever happened. You can’t see anything different about me, nothing has changed from the outside. It makes me confused and I do not know how to be able to deal with this.
Which ritual fits with a wish not going to be fulfilled, a dream not ever coming true?
How to say bye to something that never was there to begin with?

~ Emlies

~ 239

Skin: Glam Affair – Eles Jamaica B 02 E
Eyes: Dulce Secrets – Secret Garden Darkest Brown
Make Up: Dulce Secrets – Alien Lips in Red
Hair: Magika – Drive Hud 01
Nails: Pathos – Clara Nails for Slink

Dress: Noche – Sheath Dress in Cream @ The Fameshed
Clutch: Irrie’s Dollhouse – Fall Doll Cameo Clutch in Tombstone

Eternal Dream – Shawna 01


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s