~ 924

ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ’ᴠᴇ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀ ꜱɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ʟɪᴇ
ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ꜰʀᴇᴇᴅᴏᴍ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴛɪᴍᴇ
ꜰᴀɪᴛʜ ʜᴀꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴛᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄʀɪᴇᴅ
ʟᴇᴛ’ꜱ ᴅᴏ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴡᴇ ᴅɪᴇ

~ 924

This day isn’t a fine day.
Over the years a lot has happened.
Not just the past like 5 years, but like all in all, in life, years and years.
It is not always easy to focus on the good stuff and it is tiring to focus on the bad.
Yet, I tend to focus on the bad more than on the good.
I always have been like that really.
Lately I been trying to get , hm how to put this nicely without sounding too pathetic, I been trying to get attention.
Like I just want to talk. Just talk, feel as if I matter, that I make an addition to the people I see as friends.
But this mood I am in I have myself questioning every single time if the people I see as friends are friends.
In fact, I am not even sure what this definition of “friend” is.
I feel guilty for even not knowing its definition for that makes me def not a “goof friend” in return I suppose.

I feel alone. Very alone.
So the past weeks I tried to do other things a little. I made new friends, or at least I spent time with other people that I did not know before.
Be open to their way of living, their thoughts, ideas on life sometimes not all that deep and really just having a little fun.
I went out to places I did not visit before because I felt I had nothing with it.
I went to spend time alone on places I like and be ok with being alone.
Did an sl concert by myself.
I feel I did try, I do feel I made efforts to “get myself out there” do different things, be nice be cool be great, be laid back, be awesome.
Truth is, I am not that. I am not cool, I am not awesome, I am not all that hey let’s do stuff and have fun.

So in this depressed mood I told myself well well Em, do not ping anyone yourself anymore.
Let’s see how much “fun” people think you are and let’s see who ping you for a change.
I found out what I know already.
Em is not all that. Sure she is nice but not impressive.
People do not ping me, they do not think of me really. I am easy to not notice.

Yesterday I tried though. I tried to talk to a few and I ended up being not talked to.
With another person I got into hurtful conversation for misunderstanding feelings I guess after which another wave of utter silence stroke down.
So I basically do not know how to this social thing.
I feel hurt, misunderstood and really very alone.
Pretty sure “no one” cares. I know this form of “care” is there but not the actual care you know?
That type of care you sometimes just need. It’s often a very basic care of like when you talk we talk too but when you don’t we don’t either.
Am I really the only one who pings people to ask them how are you?
Is it really that cold in sl that no one bothers to do so unless you do so?
Or is that really only with me like that?

Well non the less,
l’amour et lumière,

Head :
Cate by Lelutka

Lara Body by Maitreya

By me !

Emi Skin

by It Girls

Rehab by Doux

Crush Lipstick by League

Accountant Glasses by Haysuriza
Mell Dress by Vision @ Uber
Mell Leather Jacket by Vision @ Uber
Sio Flats by FriDay @ Uber

DBL Chair Sit by Posa di Gata

Event Landmarks:

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