La Vie En Pose, till January the 24th
since you shut me out and broke off communication for no reason until further notice, here a written part to you.
Knowing you ditched messenger from your phone so you won’t be tempted to look at it I can not talk to you there.
Knowing you never ever reply to my offlines, leaving an inworld message is pointless too.
I have no clue if you read this but you know me, I need to vent things or I will go insane.
So, dear Martin, I have no idea why you are shutting me out of your life at this time.
When you told me you do not know how to behave properly to me that felt a little bit much hurtful for I thought that after a small year, you had gotten to know me.
But ok, when you find it difficult to know how to behave properly around me, then I am happy to hear about that and I would love to fix that, or at least try to understand what happened.
Yet, you do not seem to want to explain this to me.
As I asked, and I simply get no answer.
So after being shut off from communication with you I felt relieved when you answered last night
Like clockwork you told me “we talk tomorrow” but for the first time you added, maybe.
So we are in “problems” and I am not allowed to know what is going on, you do not want to explain and now you have not had the decency to even talk to me at all.
I asked you last night if you were waiting for me to end things which you said no to.
I asked what I meant to you and you gave no answer.
You read that message and you were not able to give me an answer.
I had spoken to your friend earlier and she told me that we all know how charming you are and that we fell for your trap.
After having spent 8 months with you as a couple, I could not take that serious to be honest because there is no way in my head that I think you are able to do this to me, or to anyone really.
However, now you have shut me completely off without any word. No word.
so what do I know?
I know you stopped caring enough to let me be part of our life and it hurts that you do not wish to tell me what I did wrong or what is going on to have this happening.
I find it disrespectful and I told you that but since you cut me off, you did not read this.
And why, I am clueless to why. You prolly got to hate me and my ways.
I think you dislike that I spoke about Mark so often and that I wanted to have the whites romantic la di da thing for once.
For after that moment, you distanced yourself from us. Specially after the 18th.
Not wishing me a nice christmas while you know it would be hard.
And really, I really want to know my part in this, for you do not tell me so I have to make guesses so I guess it’s about that.
I really want us to be able to communicate but its impossible on my own.
I do not know if you want to be with me still.
I hate that you stopped all communication as you have no idea what it’s like to not hear from someone and get a call that you need to go to the hospital for you have to say goodbye forever to someone and if you do know what that is like, then I do not understand why you want to have someone worry like that who knows what that is like.
But I guess that comes too close to first life and we can’t have that of course. Sorry that was sarcastic, I know.
Martin, please explain to me what I done wrong. Please explain what is going on.
And please if you are stepping out of my life, have the decency to do that properly for now I am starting to really believe I walked into a trap.
I could always tell you anything, we would never hold back.
Stop holding back and keep your end of that bargain.
It really is your turn now, just like you said.